Here is what I don't get.....I have been great all day and now here it is about 9 PM and I am feeling melancholy......really? What gives?
Bi-Polar Disorder sucks.
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Last day for teachers today!!!! SUMMER BREAK!
Nice day all in all....came home a did some odds and ends and just stayed busy.
Met with my new therapist....I like her...so far, only time will tell I guess.
I know my wife isn't ready to be "with me" right now.....but it still hurts....wish I hadn't screwed up again....
I plan on staying home all day tomorrow....I cannot wait!
Nice day all in all....came home a did some odds and ends and just stayed busy.
Met with my new therapist....I like her...so far, only time will tell I guess.
I know my wife isn't ready to be "with me" right now.....but it still hurts....wish I hadn't screwed up again....
I plan on staying home all day tomorrow....I cannot wait!
Wednesday, May 30, 2012
So, I was busy this morning at work....and come the end of third period it ground to a long boring halt! Last day of school and all I need to wrap up was finished by the end of third........
Why would someone who I caught cheating on a final get to take it? Then he came in and threatened me.....ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!
Teenagers just make bad decisions sometimes....
Came home, hung out with Charlie....went fishing for a while....caught nineteen fish....all in all....not a bad day!
Why would someone who I caught cheating on a final get to take it? Then he came in and threatened me.....ON THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!
Teenagers just make bad decisions sometimes....
Came home, hung out with Charlie....went fishing for a while....caught nineteen fish....all in all....not a bad day!
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
A mixed bag tonight.....
On the way to group I discovered the joys of Pandora radio and set up a Street Dogs Station....very awesome.
Also, I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I met a kid tonight that is a paranoid schizophrenic and he is just so out there that I think he needs to be.....well, in a place that he cannot harm himself...permanently.
On the way home my wife talked to me and shared a few things....she began crying. I wouldn't say this brought me down really, just made me very introspective and thinking.....not a bad thing I don't think.....
Last day of school tomorrow! Well for me that day in technically Thursday....but the students' last day tomorrow.
Already looking forward to next year....
Please let me stay on the straight and narrow, I don't want to lose my family...
On the way to group I discovered the joys of Pandora radio and set up a Street Dogs Station....very awesome.
Also, I don't mean to sound insensitive, but I met a kid tonight that is a paranoid schizophrenic and he is just so out there that I think he needs to be.....well, in a place that he cannot harm himself...permanently.
On the way home my wife talked to me and shared a few things....she began crying. I wouldn't say this brought me down really, just made me very introspective and thinking.....not a bad thing I don't think.....
Last day of school tomorrow! Well for me that day in technically Thursday....but the students' last day tomorrow.
Already looking forward to next year....
Please let me stay on the straight and narrow, I don't want to lose my family...
Monday, May 28, 2012
Sunday, May 27, 2012
Tried to post last night with the family at the hotel room....no luck.......Oh well!
Great day today! Spent it with the family at an amusement park after staying in a hotel last night....HAD....A.....BLAST!
Why is it that now I cannot ride all the rides without feeling like puking? The real truth is that I had a fulfilling day with my family and that is all that really matters.
Friday, May 25, 2012
Good night last night with a good day today.
I was so tired last night I didn't write on here....I had to be reminded tonight....just not a habit yet.
I had group yesterday and I love it. It really gives me a sense that I am not alone in this struggle. Now I know that there are others that struggle like I do with Bi Polar Disorder. Last night before group I was feeling introspective....not down per se, just thinking a lot. Reflecting on my past struggles. During group I met a new member and it really snapped me out of my pondering....he has made a lot more and worse mistakes than I have, but I do see myself in him if I do not take control. It looks like 3 days a week of therapy for me for the rest of my life.
I actually like the idea of that. I need routine and a sense of belonging.
Today, well it is the last few days for this school year and the students are all over the place....
Good day though, but tired. I feel so buoyed when I get home from group that I have a hard time sleeping!
Picked up my kids, brought them home and just had a normal evening. Grilled steaks and chicken and sat down as a family for dinner.
Tomorrow we are leaving to take the kids on an overnight trip to an amusement park and they are excited...but then so am I!
In many ways I am truly blessed.
I was so tired last night I didn't write on here....I had to be reminded tonight....just not a habit yet.
I had group yesterday and I love it. It really gives me a sense that I am not alone in this struggle. Now I know that there are others that struggle like I do with Bi Polar Disorder. Last night before group I was feeling introspective....not down per se, just thinking a lot. Reflecting on my past struggles. During group I met a new member and it really snapped me out of my pondering....he has made a lot more and worse mistakes than I have, but I do see myself in him if I do not take control. It looks like 3 days a week of therapy for me for the rest of my life.
I actually like the idea of that. I need routine and a sense of belonging.
Today, well it is the last few days for this school year and the students are all over the place....
Good day though, but tired. I feel so buoyed when I get home from group that I have a hard time sleeping!
Picked up my kids, brought them home and just had a normal evening. Grilled steaks and chicken and sat down as a family for dinner.
Tomorrow we are leaving to take the kids on an overnight trip to an amusement park and they are excited...but then so am I!
In many ways I am truly blessed.
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Wow I am tired. I think I didn't get enough sleep last night...came home from group and just felt so much relief that it made it hard for me to fall asleep! Much better than not being able to sleep because of mania or depression.
Good day at work too! Finals have started and this means the end of school year. I love my job...not for the time off, but because it is what I was called to do. For the first time in my life I use my profession to help define who I am...and I am OK with it....
Bad head ache though, probably the lack of sleep coupled with allergies from mowing the lawn....bet I sleep well tonight....and I get to get an extra 30 minutes to boot!
I did over eat today....and have felt nauseous since about 5:00PM or so.....hate that feeling! I have a middle eastern student aide and his mother sent in enough home cooked middle eastern cooking to feed the whole class, just for me.....it is just so damn tasty!
Kiddos are at Nana and Graddaddy's house tonight and tomorrow night. I miss them terribly, but it is nice to not hear ANT Farm, So Random or Good Luck Charlie in the background and be able to talk to the missus about things....
I would love to fish a lot this summer....both alone wading and with the kids....I think I will make that happen....
Retreat Hell! I just got here!- Lloyd Williams
Good day at work too! Finals have started and this means the end of school year. I love my job...not for the time off, but because it is what I was called to do. For the first time in my life I use my profession to help define who I am...and I am OK with it....
Bad head ache though, probably the lack of sleep coupled with allergies from mowing the lawn....bet I sleep well tonight....and I get to get an extra 30 minutes to boot!
I did over eat today....and have felt nauseous since about 5:00PM or so.....hate that feeling! I have a middle eastern student aide and his mother sent in enough home cooked middle eastern cooking to feed the whole class, just for me.....it is just so damn tasty!
Kiddos are at Nana and Graddaddy's house tonight and tomorrow night. I miss them terribly, but it is nice to not hear ANT Farm, So Random or Good Luck Charlie in the background and be able to talk to the missus about things....
I would love to fish a lot this summer....both alone wading and with the kids....I think I will make that happen....
Retreat Hell! I just got here!- Lloyd Williams
Tuesday, May 22, 2012
Stayed busy today around the house. It was primary election day in my home state, so I had the day off. Took the pup to the vet, bought puppy food and just worked around the house and talked with my kids.
Made sure to exercise first thing this morning...what a great feeling!
Tonight I went to my first DBSA meeting. It was awesome. I really felt a sense of relief knowing that finally they're really are others that suffer like I do...and a few that suffer worse, poor souls.
The missus came home to a very clean house and all the laundry done....put her in a good mood. Believe me that helps...especially with what I have put her through.
Tip o' the day:
Find a group to join and GO! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS! Also make sure to kiss her when you can, hugs your kids for as long as you can, get puppy kisses and never give up the good fight!
Made sure to exercise first thing this morning...what a great feeling!
Tonight I went to my first DBSA meeting. It was awesome. I really felt a sense of relief knowing that finally they're really are others that suffer like I do...and a few that suffer worse, poor souls.
The missus came home to a very clean house and all the laundry done....put her in a good mood. Believe me that helps...especially with what I have put her through.
Tip o' the day:
Find a group to join and GO! YOU ARE NOT ALONE IN THIS! Also make sure to kiss her when you can, hugs your kids for as long as you can, get puppy kisses and never give up the good fight!
Monday, May 21, 2012
So after sharing this blog (online journal?) with the missus, we both thought it would be a good idea to write at the end of each day.
You see, I am an English teacher and I absolutely love to read, each night I read about an hour and 20 minutes or so with my little boy, part of my ritual now will be to reflect on the day so here goes....
Good day today! Stayed busy and kept an active mind (super important)....came home....no naps, no drinks....helped out my neighbor with a project. Cooked dinner....breakfast and BLTs....isn't bacon the best!?
See....I stayed busy....good stuff!
It's time to read.....into the land of The Seven Kingdoms!
BPDE over and out!
Tip of the day:
Log your sleep....even naps....look for patterns and see if they are linked to episodes of depression or mania.
You see, I am an English teacher and I absolutely love to read, each night I read about an hour and 20 minutes or so with my little boy, part of my ritual now will be to reflect on the day so here goes....
Good day today! Stayed busy and kept an active mind (super important)....came home....no naps, no drinks....helped out my neighbor with a project. Cooked dinner....breakfast and BLTs....isn't bacon the best!?
See....I stayed busy....good stuff!
It's time to read.....into the land of The Seven Kingdoms!
BPDE over and out!
Tip of the day:
Log your sleep....even naps....look for patterns and see if they are linked to episodes of depression or mania.
So I started off with a bang without a bit about myself.....
I have BPD. It is not pleasant. I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.....
If you love someone with it....well, ignorance is not bliss. Be aware of symptoms of mania and depression but do not focus on them. FOCUS ON THE ROOT CAUSE NOT THE SYMPTOMS!
BI POLAR DISORDER!
Educate people!
Try these to start:
http://www.dbsalouisville.org/
I have BPD. It is not pleasant. I wasn't diagnosed until 4 years ago.....
If you love someone with it....well, ignorance is not bliss. Be aware of symptoms of mania and depression but do not focus on them. FOCUS ON THE ROOT CAUSE NOT THE SYMPTOMS!
BI POLAR DISORDER!
Educate people!
Try these to start:
http://www.dbsalouisville.org/
http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/default.htm
Now, I just had a BAD manic episode. My mania includes me engaging in risky behavior....like kleptomania.....let me just say, "Thank God for small miracles".....I came very close to losing everything, but a great wife and I am back even minded again.
Things to do:
Exercise
proper diet
sleep (but not TOO much)
set a schedule and keep to it
realize what you have to lose
NO alcohol (just trust me)
TAKE YOUR MEDS!
realize that you have a clinical neurological disease
set reminders and alarms.....smart phones are great for this....
Journal....I hate doing it......but I am a computer junkie....always plugged in it seems....so....TA DA! A blog is the answer....also it makes me feel connected and not alone.
It begins....
People. The media and Hollyweird have made people with Bi Polar Disorder (BPD) out to be what we are not.....they use the sensational always.
Really?
Does anyone not research anything any more? Mania is a SYMPTOM! NOT THE ROOT CAUSE....
If you see someone engaging in risky behavior, and they have BPD, go to them rationally and calmly.....tell them you care and they see what you do not. Calm them down and get them help...period.
Really?
Does anyone not research anything any more? Mania is a SYMPTOM! NOT THE ROOT CAUSE....
If you see someone engaging in risky behavior, and they have BPD, go to them rationally and calmly.....tell them you care and they see what you do not. Calm them down and get them help...period.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)