First week of school is almost over...and for the first time I do not feel so behind!  I guess two years of being frantic has paid off!

Most of my kiddos are duds so far...they just sit in their classes in stunned silence!  Maybe it's me?  LOL!  I love it!

One thing about the first week....I am exhausted....but in a good way!

I hate getting angry anymore....and I am not talking about irritated...I am talking well and truly furious.  Our puppy is having trouble housebreaking.  Now, she's smart and is amazing with everything else....but tonight I caught her in the act.  A good thing and bad thing at the same time.  Good in the sense catching her allowed me to correct her....and bad because she peed inside.  I was furious.....when I get mad like that I come down very hard.  It is that fast, huge mood swing that sucks so bad.

It is hard to believe that on tuesday I will have a whole new set of students to aggravate!  I Love my job!

I am scared.  I am scared that I am not going to be able to control me eating in such a way that will allow me to lose weight.  I can exercise...in fact, now that I have doing it, I kind of enjoy it...not so much while I am doing it, but after.  the endorphins are a hell of a high!

Will I be able to eat right though?  Will I not only be able to eat right, but eat the things that will be proper?  Meaning not all the wrong carbs and sugars?

Honestly, I don't know if I am strong enough to be successful this time and it frightens me.

What a boring, long PD today and to boot it felt like it was 20 degrees in the library where it was held!  Miserable on all accounts!

I keep fixating on my weight since I am trying to lose....almost had a panic attack tonight because of it....just want to sleep tonight and not think about it!

On a positive note, school starts Friday!  I will have students by Tuesday!  I LOVE TEACHING!

My kiddos start tomorrow and they are both excited...that makes me happy!  I also feel that the missus and I are doing well.  I feel this need to do little, nice things for her....like make her sandwich...just little things....not because I feel I have to....but because I want to....

Bummed out tonight....but glad my son is home safe and sound!

I have been busting my arse on the elliptical and eating right.

Guess what?  My weight is GOING UP!  WTF!!!???

Am I ever going to be able to lose?  Am I going to have to starve myself AND workout???

I finished the required-by-contract PD hours as of today!

Had a nice dinner with my mom tonight, she had my kids all day.  I am just ready to get back to teaching....and boy am I tired tonight.

We took the kiddos to their school to meet this years teachers....I think we will like them both, but all we can do is wait and see!

Here is the funny thing about me and BDP.....most days it just never enters into my mind that I have a mental illness....and then all of a sudden.....BAM! It hits me....and it reminds me of all the bad things I have done when I was in a manic state.  It's a bitch to know that I have almost lost my family not once....but twice.

I am prepared to do whatever it takes to never lose them.  I love them too much to hurt them anymore.

Now, on to more cheerful thoughts!  It has been one week of eating healthy and proper exercise.  Honestly, I am not seeing all that big of a difference on the scale....but my body just feels different and I do not think it's mental either.  I think it is a good physiological response to a change of life that is only positive!

Also, school started today more or less!  YES!  I love me job!

Decent days since my last post.  Finally feel like I have my eating under control.  I have been working out and eating right.  No simple carbs.....the proper complex carbohydrates!  It has really kept me full and not craving sugar after sugar....and that is a good thing!

I had a PD this week....and it made me realize how much I really love my job!