The weather has finally broke and it is back to normal summer temps here in the Bluegrass......the only problem is that I have had a kink that runs from the base of my skull down past my right shoulder blade.  It hurts bad enough to give me headaches.  Of course anytime I have anything wrong and express it my wife rolls her eyes and jokes on me about being a whiner and baby.

I had a hard time staying awake today.  It doesn't help that my daughter had a bad night and I had to sleep in her bed.  Then with my shoulder It was after 12:30 before I was able to fall asleep....suck-tastic.

I feel a bit strange tonight....I hate feeling this way, especially because I cannot pin point WHY.  This is what BPD is all about....feelings that you have that you cannot explain why...there has been nothing going on to make me feel anxious and down.

Here is something I have always hated about myself:  I cannot just stick to a single hobby.  My minis have been the activity that I have stuck with the longest, I have always been a gamer, not a video gamer but RPGs and mini games.  I just really like everything about them!

Then each year I always get this urge to hunt....but then never do...it drives me crazy and it's embarrassing at the same time.  Then I start doing this thing where I say:  Hey I am going to bow hunt and only do it in period clothing!  But I never do.  It makes me wonder why I try to do things in a fantasy world.  What is wrong with me???

I also love to airsoft....there is a real thrill of carrying a realistic load out and realistic (looking) firearm and entering "combat".  It's exciting and gets the adrenalin flowing.  I love that feeling!

Maybe with my "hunting" I just really enjoy making the stuff, since I make 90% of it.  Is the hobby making the gear?  The escapism that comes with it??  Maybe I will this fall, maybe I will not.  Either way I should just enjoy what I get out of it...right?

Maybe it is just my hyperactive big brain always needing something to chew on....why do I always try to pigeon hole myself?  Am I trying to define who I think I am?  Maybe I should just accept that I am ALL of these things?